Bessie J

The big change in my life is the migration from legacy benefits to Universal Credit.

Anxiety is high. My only daughter in the family home is 18 and not in any full time education, not working and not on any apprenticeships.

This means I cannot claim for her. I have to claim for myself and she is to claim for herself… but she is autistic and doesn’t understand implications of changing benefits and how I receive benefits for her as a child but not as an adult.

I’ve explained repeatedly but she isn’t grasping the DWP and laws.

To be honest I don’t want to claim either. It’s complicated and from online benefit calculations, we will be £800 a month worse off. I’m not eligible for transition amounts as my daughter is now 18. If she was in college I would get the transition amount.

None of us want to justify our personal lives to a stranger to decide if we are worthy. Our home situation is the same yet we have to apply again.

The job centre is in the city and I’ve previously attended an interview there. There were men shouting and banging on glass screens at staff. I was frightened. I’m struggling to leave the flat without a panic attack at present, so how will I cope taking a 1.5hour bus journey into the city? Even if I worked full time, I would still be struggling financially as only one wage for both of us. What if I have a breakdown or panic attack at a job? What if I can’t hear properly as I have hearing difficulties? What if my daughter’s mental health deteriorates and I can’t be there for her as at work?

We are awaiting the outcome of her Adult Disability Payment application. It was submitted in July and read via online forums for benefits, that it’s around 8 months to 1 year behind processing time. No guarantee that she will receive the same amount as she had with child disability payment. They may refuse all together.

Calculations online, worked out we be expected to receive £200 a week for both of us.

The stress is making me unwell. High blood pressure.

Unable to get appt with citizens advice until another 3 weeks.

I have memories of struggling when I left my violent ex 10 years ago, having food parcels and 2nd hand toys from a local church. No heating on Xmas day and that feeling of failing my daughter.

My family are Conservative and broke contact with us when I left my ex as he was a business man with high income. They rather I stayed and put up with violence to keep the wealth, (that was my ex’s and not mine as he told me) which they judged me on (what did I do to deserve it?) than claim benefits.

My older daughter age 33 had witnessed the violence when younger has become a successful business woman and has a fiancée and young child. I supported her to build up the business, but her attitude has changed towards me. Resenting me claiming benefits for in her words “doing nothing”. She has pulled away and never calls to ask how I am. The hurt stings. I miss my granddaughter who they keep very busy with after school clubs. They live a 10 minute walk away, but be aswell on the other side of the world. I gave up asking to see my grandaughter. Messages and texts unanswered. When she did reply to calls, it was clear I was inconveniencing her with her tone of voice and said was too busy.

I am heartbroken and disappointed my older daughter who vowed never to be like her father has developed his self centred, mean attitude towards me. It’s knocked the little confidence left in me flying.

Life is not how I expected it to be when I left my ex. The lack of support, the judgement , the isolation. I gave up so much for my children to have a better life but the older one is not grateful.

I’m disrespected as I don’t fit the mould of wealthy families where the father works offshore and plenty of disposable income.

I don’t drink, smoke or gamble, don’t take drugs, yet I’m shunned because I don’t earn high wages or own a business.

I don’t know what the future holds do my younger one. She is happy to plod about and not grow up. I just take one day at a time. But Universal Credit won’t let be ok. We do things in her time to process. Pressure to work in a fast pace environment will overwhelm her and that’s when the mental health deteriorates.

If family made the effort to visit and be understanding, they would see for themselves, but instead they judge my parenting skills.

It’s as if every step I take forward to a better life, I’m dragged back down by the Government and there’s no safety net.