Bessie J

I am not in the position of UC rules at this time, but due to migrate to UC soon.

Already I have anxiety about meeting targets of finding work of up to 30 hours per week.

I am constantly drowsy and brain fog/ short memory has me barely keeping up with housework.

As I rent privately as a single parent of one teen with autism, I am using the disability benefit to cover the high rent. The council refuse to award discretionary housing payment.

I did an online benefit calculation which showed I would be £18 a week worse off working 30hrs per week than working 16 hrs, due to the high rent.

Although my daughter is 17, she still needs guidance. From experience, I have had many issues of her not settling at school to the point where she had a complete nervous breakdown as she was bullied and didn't understand why. The secondary school was unsupportive.

I have no contact with her father due to the severity of his violent temper. I have no financial support from him either.

We moved away 8 years ago to be safe but still isolated from the community. A single mum in an affluent area near and still stigmatised here.

My hearing difficulties give me anxiety as experience has shown me short tempered and resentful work colleagues.

I would need to travel into the city for work on an unreliable bus service. Each winter, storms bring flooding, power cuts and cancellations of public transport. Who would pay me if I can't get into work?

I still remember how difficult work was when my child was younger. Chicken pox followed by an ear infection, no support and childcare would not accept her. 6 weeks with no wages, but still needed to pay for the place at the childcare setting. I sat in the job centre with a 4 year old with a high temperature crying on my knee trying to explain to an irrate woman who worked there, that no my mum could not look after her as she died when I was young. The woman did not believe me. The stress of no income and having to provide sexual favours to a violent ex partner to receive money for food is not my proudest moment. He had the control by dangling maintenance money, but I had to prove myself to get it.

My boss had no empathy for having a child that seemed to be permanently poorly.

I spent more time travelling to and from work which cost me £25 a week in bus fares. I was eligible to have the fares reimbursed but the claim forms tended to go missing on a regular basis after I complained to the manager about work colleagues, disrespectful behaviour to the vulnerable we worked with. My honesty and can do work ethics upset many work colleagues.

I collapsed at work as I was skipping meals to save money to buy school shoes for my daughter. I still remember being called into the school office where the nurse and head teacher asked why I sent my daughter to school in sandles and wooly tights in winter.

I broke down as they measured and weighed her. Social work were to keep an eye on us. I never drank or smoked. All my income was spent on rent, bills and a payment meter.

That was 2012.

Foodbanks were a rarity in a church where alcoholics and drug abusers attended.

I do my best to support others who have been in similar positions.

I see most women in this affluent area do not need to work as their husbands work for offshore companies.

They spend their time with personal trainers and in salons.

Where did I go wrong? Why isn't my daughter receiving financial support from her father to allow me to not have to claim benefits.

I feel worthless and anxiety of the future as my daughter is an adult and can leave home when she wants. Although she spends most of her time in her bedroom hiding from the world and never had a friend.

I have lost faith in humanity. I hold on to the hope these Conservatives are voted out, but also aware of Labour holding the same values on Tory policies that punishes women as mothers.

Is it a crime to be there for your children? Help out at playgroups and teach them to bake cakes? To cheer them on at sports day?

To nurse them when poorly, without worrying if we can afford to take a day or more off work?

We have a mental health crisis in children who need a parent to be there and not at work all the time and too tired when they come home after another shift.