Diary entries cover a variety of topics, some of which you may find triggering. These topics include self-harm, suicide and domestic violence.
31 Mar 2023

Beverly W

What’s your relationship with paid employment?

So I trained long and hard in order to secure my last job. It was my dream job. I was good at it and loved my work. I had hoped to progress in that field and was looking forward to where it might take me.

However, following a mundane accident at home, I had to put a complete stop on all things workwise. Even without the pain aspects, i.e. just the immobility/disability aspects, health and safety regulations would have meant there was no way I could continue to do the job I was employed to do, the job I loved and the job I was good at.

Nearly 9 years later, it is difficult to imagine what employer would hire me given my limitations, or what job I could possibly do to the best of my abilities that would allow me to earn what we have to live on now, if not more.

Pain is a huge attention magnet, I may look ok and sound ok but there's nothing in law which says pain must have a visual component and there's nothing worse than feeling as though all you want to do is get as comfy as possible so your body isn't screaming out stress hormones round the clock. It's very draining on my energy to be hobbling about 24/7.

Research into chronic pain conditions can demonstrate that those living with high level pain are are less likely to report other pain levels even though they just as painful. Think about migraine sufferers, you can't see a headache yet symptoms can be equally excruciating.

People living with debilitating pain conditions become very good at covering it up, even functioning despite it because they have to, "if you don't use it you loose it". Trying to assess people living with high persistent pain levels visually or physically is very unreliable. Responses to familiar pains are low key for those with this type of condition compared to responses of people without the condition when experiencing pain on a matched level. Even when the extent of the pain isn't as severe, the longevity of it can be equally debilitating.

Also, there is a whole list of further health conditions which begin to develop as a consequence of the original diagnosis. It truly is the gift that keeps giving.

It's enough to function as a human being let alone be a reliable employee to anyone with has expectations in return for a realistic wage.

If there were a cure for this condition, there'd be no stopping me in relation to finding work again.

Cite this entry

Use Beverly W's words in your own research or editorial
Changing Realities (2023), Beverly W. https://changingrealities.org/e/MQyg1 (31 Mar 2023)
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