Victoria S

So to manage my mental health and provide for my children, I plan, I plan and plan and plan. I plan for summer holidays, I play for Christmas, I plan for back to school, etc. I get bits n bobs for those goals whenever I can. But that's is all I can plan, a month in advance. I plan until Christmas, them the planning for birthdays and Easter and summer and Christmas start all over again.

But I can plan outside of that, that is for the kids and I prep and plan for them. But for myself or for other things like holidays, personal aspirations, etc. Those just don't exist for me. Morbid as it sounds the only things in my future I can guarantee is that I'll never be comfortable money wise and that eventually I'll die and not need to worry anymore about paying bills or if something breaks and I can't replace it. Real life planning doesn't exist for me. Maybe college, maybe work one day, but hard to imagine when I'm so much pain now that can't hardly get out of bed.