Victoria S

I worry about my children's future, about my funds to afford basics if I lose my pip, let alone how I'd ever manage to maintain my health, physically or mentally, if i lose my pip.

I've been remembering my childhood a lot lately, it wasn't a happy one. Poverty being a factor but mostly child abuse. I still remember the shopping list every two weeks at netto, the 7p tin of beans, or 9p with sausages and that was a splurge. £10 would just about stretch to a two week grocery but not really, normally lasted a week but was enough to stretch. I know I only survived childhood because of the NHS to patch up my many broken bones and concussions, the free schools meals that were my only guaranteed meal back then, social services failed us but the council gave us beautiful homes. I remember the layout and smells of every room, the constant lice and fleas, the attempts every few months to make the home pretty on the inside with the many broken and outdated furniture items, trash heap level freebies from local charities that we were grateful for. To be clear mum got enough on benefits to give us a bare but decent childhood but her needs trumped anyone else's, and she hated being poor, would scam money out of anyone she could only to spend it on takeaways or her hobbies or games, making a tough situation even more difficult. I survived my childhood, made it to adulthood, cos of the welfare state. Most of my disabilities I have now could probably have been prevented if I'd have been removed from mum's care in early childhood, but it's thanks to school and the NHS that I'm not more disabled than I am. All those broken bones, head injures, illnesses and infections from the fleas, etc., if untreated, could've done far worse to me.

Yet here I am, disabled and unable to work yesterday but still a valid member of my community, still doing what little I can to help others, and most importantly bringing two beautiful, kind, loving, sassy, cheeky, amazing children into the world.

Even they're still alive thanks to the welfare state. It was because of UC, charities and eventually the local authority housing that I was able to get my children safely away from my ex husband before he could land any of us in hospital. Couldn't legally get help with him, courts arenas corrupt and discriminatory as ever, but I make sure my kids never go hungry, they never fear for their lives like I did growing up, never knew real hunger. And that's largely thanks to the welfare state, thanks to charities that housed us when we were homeless, NHS that nursed us better than history would have expected (still poor care for poor people, unfair and unjust the stigma and discrimination and difficulty to get anything more than basic care but at least I know if one of us is seriously hurt or ill we'll not die, that's not a fear I have for my children), UC gives me just enough to feed my kids and my pip gives us enough that I can better manage my disabilities (such as being able to afford heating thanks to pip), and while the educational system is in dire need of an update, that's still an amazing thing for children. I loved school as a kid, loved learning about the world (and then relearning about the world in adulthood without the whitewashing thanks to the internet lol). Schools aren't perfect, feels a lot like holding pens for working parents these days, but most teachers are incredible and school gives children a chance to learn about the world and explore their identities beyond the limits of their family funds. Just that hope in childhood can help children find routes out of poverty in adulthood.

So seeing how the government, over the few governments, have been slowly destroying the welfare system on all fronts. It makes me fearful for all the other children who are only alive now thanks to a welfare state.

My gran was an east end nurse and midwife, from the blitz when she studied, til her death in the 00s. She told me the stories of children dying of polio, measles, even chicken pox. How you never knew which baby would survive the cold, gross home conditions. She said sometimes the healthiest looking babes didn't make it to a year, and sometimes the weakest born somehow made it to adulthood. She'd tell me how miraculous the NHS systems felt, how more and more services were added and included, more lives saved. Not just babies but the homeless, poor and disabled post-war vets, etc.

How quickly we've forgotten those realities. And how more and more frequently I'm seeing people slipping back into those patterns of pain, poverty and destitution. Seeing a disabled man in my area with dirty bandages for shoes, gangerous sores visable where the bandages slip. Children have more frequent infections, elderly freezing in their homes.

I'm fearful for my kids' future, but also for my community and my country's futures. There's no excuse for this level of ignorance in office. Their policies are killing people.