Seren K

So many people have no safety net.

I’ve always worked before, had savings, been smart about paying off debt – then when my daughter was 9 months old I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I went back to work when she was 1, but it became a spiral of events – my employers wouldn’t put in any adjustments, they just fired me. I wasn’t strong enough then to understand that was against the law.

Surviving on one salary, the mortgage takes up so much of our income. I had an emergency credit card for rainy days which for years I never had to use – now it’s maxed out, just from keeping us afloat over those years. They’ve been really understanding, frozen the debt and the interest, I’m paying it off each month, which will take me 10 years. I am ruthless with my budget but it just isn't enough and it's wearing me down.

So when our heating stopped working – and it turned out all the pipes were rotten under the floorboards – it was going to be between 4 and 5 thousand. We just didn’t have it.

My husband has diabetes and I’ve got arthritis – but we just couldn’t put the heating on. For a whole year. I was wearing my husband’s coat in the house, and going outside to warm up, walking round the block knowing that moving would warm me up, escaping the four walls and the reality of it.

We had one little electric heater that we’d put on for a few hours when my daughter came home from school. She’s just a kid, she should be able to be warm when she’s playing. It was so inefficient it cost more than heating the whole house on gas, so having no heating didn’t even save us money. Our clothes took 4 days to dry and they dried hard and smelling of damp

We stopped inviting people round – we loved having people round. My little girl was saying Mum can I invite my friends round – It’s hard to say ‘no darling – your dad’s ashamed he can’t keep his child warm’. She used to bring friends home from school and we could feed four or five kids beans on toast for less than £3. Now the cost of everything has doubled or tripled.

My mum helped us in the end. My sister found out, it was her who said to my mum – “she’s got so much blooming pride she’s sitting with no heating on” – I cried when my mum offered to help us out – I didn’t want to ask – we’ve all been raised penny pinching, knowing if we want something we have to work for it and get it ourselves. So I didn’t want to ask – but I’m so glad she did. Every time I have a nice hot shower I think thank God, many blessing on my mother’s hands, because she facilitated that.

Life shouldn’t have to be a battle. The silent dignity of mums who just get on with it, when you’ve got £4 in your purse til next Wednesday. Kids shouldn’t have to think my life is smaller or my chances are smaller, their ambition or curiosity is constrained - their childhood constrained by worries about surviving. I actually can't believe I managed to put up with no heating for a year, but then again shame, stigma, resignation are powerful things,