Bessie J

I never enjoy Christmas.

I will be alone with my 16 year old autistic daughter.

Family are not supportive and it has become a competition of who got what gift and OTT dinner tables.

Previously, I always found myself making excuses to leave early as they brag about holidays and types of cars. I am unable to return the favour of inviting them round due to being unable to afford to feed them all.

It wouldn't be good enough anyway.

I don't have a cabinet of drink and platters of snacks to dish up.

Nobody has been in contact to ask if we are OK.

I don't mind a quiet Xmas. But would be lovely to have some company.

So just like last year, it will be just the two of us. I'm actually financially worse off than last year.

I keep reminding myself, it's just one day. That all the social media posts of matching pyjamas is them buying into what companies sell.

It's a mix of relief my daughter is past Santa and understands I cannot give her much. She says it doesn't matter, but I feel guilty. I've been feeling guilty for 10 years since I left my ex and had to struggle financially. Every time she was bullied at school. Every time she missed out on treats. Every time someone from school went on holiday. When we had no heating,

It was supposed to get better.

We are safe and there is no violence in our home. I didn't plan for the discrimination and ignorance of others who blame me for leaving a "good" lifestyle. Not one family member has offered support to let me go to work. No lifts to the supermarket out of town in their top of range car. No asking how we are feeling and coping in this cost of living crisis. Did I mention my family are Tories?