Day 2 of this rain. I went as far as the wheely bin in the garden but never bothered to get dressed. Not much point putting on clean clothes to sit in the house.

Lots of flooding shown on social media. Feeling the loneliness today.

Nobody has made contact with me. I could try first contact with someone else, but I feel stuck for what to say without depressing them. Radiator downstairs is not heating up. It's constant repairs in this house. Can hear drips of rain come down the chimney. I am grateful for the reward for the extra I provided for this project. I only went and messed up wanting to spend it online.

I missed alerter out on my email. I filled in online form for help from love to shop and hope to hear soon.

I googled how to raise extra money. There are apps to do surveys and watch adverts for pennies. It's frustrating as I have no motivation. Feel spaced out and drowsy on these meds. Sitting waiting for HMRC to send a letter for tax credits to stop, to make a claim for U.C is anxiety provoking. Do they give you notice of a date?

On Wednesday my brother is getting married, unfortunately I am not able to go due the cost of traveling, smart clothes and other expenses. Last night as I sat thinking about this I found myself writing my thoughts. So below I share this writing which is something I rarely talk about. But please enjoy.

I sit here in near darkness,

In the comfortof my home,

But standing in the room, dressed in high victorian clothes,

Standing, chatting, drinking,

are people I don't know,

I try to be respectful,

In the corner where I sit,

with the ticking of my clocks disstracting me a bit,

Then I catch my thoughts a bit,

I'm really here alone,

My mind plays odd tricks on me,

It has done all my life,

That's why I sit here all alone,

No friends, no company, no wife.

My youngest daughter is now 16, in the past of school holidays, I found her very lonely.

Other children from school we're taken away abroad during Easter, summer and autumn holidays. I couldn't work out how the parents could afford this and have so much time off work considering most workplaces only gave out 28 annual leave per year.

The council would put on free activity holiday clubs at the sports centre. However, the wealthier children who got holidays abroad parents seemed to be quick to book their children into these clubs on a first come first served basis. I was working and unaware of the holiday clubs advertised on social media.

It seemed unfair how some children would be allowed to attend the free holiday clubs and have 3 or 4 holidays abroad per year.

I would take my daughter for walks with our dog. Into the woods or to the beach. As if by magic, as soon as schools broke up for school holidays, the rain poured down for weeks.

On one occasional dry day walking in the woods, my daughter burst into tears and said she loved me but she felt rubbish as other children were away for a 2 week holiday abroad. The guilt would eat away at me.

For the rest of the summer holidays, other children were packed off to grandparents houses to enable the parents to work. When I was working, in holiday time it cost me more in childcare. Even the childminder took 2 weeks off in summer to take her children abroad. I had to revolve around her leave. The childminders children were mean to my daughter. I grudged every penny I handed over to the childminder knowing that I (and tax credits) was supporting her demon children to have a better quality of life than mine.

I offered other parents to look after their children to keep mine company but they had routines and free grandparent childcare, who kept them overnight and took them out for day trips, so they declined. I soon felt not good enough.

As secondary schooling commenced, my daughter's autism traits became evident and she was bullied. 6 months into 1st year of Academy, she never went back. Out of school activities such as dance camps were expensive at £100 for 5 days and tax credits did not consider these clubs as childcare. She was too old to be baby sat yet not emotionally mature to stay home herself so I could work.

All the fun, bonding and memories to be made were not there for us. I felt punished as a single parent who had to work more hours to provide basics of food and rent, whilst wealthier 2 parent families with grandparents for support got it all.

Carers week 2023

Carers Allowance £76 per week for often 24/7 working hours.

Doing the jobs of nurses, social workers (and parent). Carers still doing teachers jobs at home, due to budget cuts in education).

Some carers are not entitled to the allowance which is taxable.

No staffroom, no work colleagues to bounce off, no going home at end of a shift.

Carers support charities funding cut, leaving unpaid carers more isolated and burnt out.

Half term is here again, I've been worrying about how I will pay for extra food while my daughter is at home and how she will keep herself occupied, luckily she has been asked to help out at a church event for a few days and will therefore be away. As for me it will be a bit quiet and lonely at home. Thanks to Changing Realities I have been able to buy a strimmer to tidy up the garden, so this will keep me busy for a while, then I can enjoy some fresh air without having to leave home.

Loneliness, isolation and unsupported... Life of an unpaid carer in 2023.

Thank you for the gift pack that arrived in the post this morning. It is always great to receive a nice surprise through the letter box, rather than the usual bills and letters informing us of price increases, like the one I received this week to say my broadband is increasing by £5 a month which I will have no option but to pay as I am not in a position to sign up for another 24 month contract. As I spend a majority of my time at home alone I can't imagine what I would do without internet access but it is now becoming far to expensive on the money I have to live on.

My car's packed in again. I'm housebound without it. I'm cut off from friends & family already. Public transport is challenging taxis are more costly than I can afford.. I'm compromised which ever way I turn. The car is a lifeline. I'm isolated without it. However getting it diagnosed & repaired is a gamble. It may well break down again. I simply don't have "newer" car money. Even if I did have, the second hand car market means taking a risk when purchasing another.

As far as I'm aware it's well reported statistically that people on lower incomes don't have spare funds to pay for unexpected repairs or replacements. When will the status quo change for the better?

This whole cost of living situation is making me feel sick.

Just been emailed by the energy company about up coming changes, government support ending & increased costs.

Then according to scope the disability charity people in receipt of UC are getting £900 paid in 3 instalments over the rest of the year.

This whole business has got me worried sick.

Then my son is asking can we go to the cinema this weekend.

Sigh. Feeling confused & lack anyone to share my concerns with.

Was reading the Martin Lewis advice about energy bill payments & I can totally relate to his comments about the value of having "price certainty".

https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/government-payments-discounts-heating-bills/#:~:text=There%20are%20no%20specific%20gas,payments%20you're%20entitled%20to

I’ve had no support in applying for benefits. I registered for job seekers allowance / universal credit myself and also chased the council to register for free school meals and sort my council tax benefit. As someone who has an ADHD diagnosis, these executive function tasks are immensely challenging. I had no idea that there are people or agencies out there to help! I have no idea if I am entitled to anything else… It’s frustrating as I feel so alone and don’t know anyone else in a similar situation to ask.

BLAST! My TV has just packed up, I can't really complain as it's about 14 years old, but living on a low income with the cost of living rising at an unbelievable rate there is no way I will be able to replace it. Anyway, it made me wonder what other everyday household items people have to live without due to the cost of replacing them. I can manage without a TV, although it is sometimes a form of company when my daughter is out but my cooker and fridge are also about the same age, so if they stop working at some stage it would be a different matter but there is no way I would consider getting into debt to replace them so would just have to manage without.

I find this question interesting as I’ve only been a single parent for 1 year. 4 of my 5 children have SEN they are hard to care for and all sleep at different times. So Sunday to Friday I get no break and sometimes have to use school hours to catch up on sleep, my ex has the children from late Friday evening to Sunday afternoon this is the only break I’ve ever had and it’s sad that to get a break I’ve had to become a single parent. But this break I find tricky I feel it’s not enough because really it’s only one day and half the time mentally and physically I’m not up to doing something for myself and by the time I am it’s time to go home.

Also due to SEN the older children cannot be left in charge of the younger ones, due to the disabilities I can’t just leave them with people as no one can mange them all together so makes me very isolated and at times I feel a prisoner in my own home.

A nice break away every so often would be nice but no way could I meet this cost and, again, the time I do have there isn’t time to go anywhere.