Evelyn G

I haven’t filled out a diary entry since before Christmas, because between getting ready for my baby to be born (any day now!), Christmas and my PhD upgrade exam in December, life has just been so busy. A few years ago I never would have envisioned that this would be my life - trying to manage academia and being a single parent - but it really does make me focus on what’s important. At the moment that’s rest and spending quality time with my toddler before the new baby arrives. I’ve been really lucky because I got a hardship payment from my university just before Christmas as well as starting to receive discretionary housing payments from the council, and it’s made this time so much less stressful. I was able to buy the bits I needed for the baby, such as a car seat and new cot mattress, without having a totally joyless Christmas which is what I had feared would have to happen. My toddler loved every minute of Christmas and it’s a great age when they have no concept of how much things cost or what ‘second hand’ means. I’m feeling quite content and ready now - for my home birth; for baby to arrive and make me a mum of 2; for all the challenges this year will bring. I sometimes feel guilty that I essentially chose a life of poverty for my children, going on benefits rather than giving up my studies and working, so that I could spend their early years at home with them. I wish I could afford to take them to more baby classes and days out. But it’s such a pleasure seeing my toddler and my belly grow, and making a happy home for them and inventing adventures for next-to nothing. The way the work of mothers - especially single mothers - is devalued in our society is crazy. I have to be constantly creative, resilient and ensuring I build relationships to support me as a single mother because financially, emotionally and logistically it can be so hard. But seeing my babies develop makes it all worthwhile and makes me proud of the life I have chosen.