New beginnings can be an exciting positive change in life. It shows me I am making an effort for growth and development. It can also bring a feeling of anxiety and loss as I may be leaving my comfort and safe zone.
For example, walking into a new environment and meeting new people to take part in bringing awareness and change.
I also think change is a must in one's life, without it we cannot have a better future.
Hi
I must start by apologising as I have been quite absent from this group for a while. Nothing serious - just I felt less connected to my experience and what I felt this group was about.
However, this question has really resonated with me.
I am in paid employment and the older I get the more I realise its key to who I am. I would be lost if I didn't have a job. I am lucky that I have a job I enjoy, which obviously helps the daily grind, but it is not very well paid, so I am also on benefits. I get UC as a lone parent, and I privately rent.
These things are also important to me - my daughters for obvious reasons, and they are a massive positive to me.
But privately renting is a constant source of anxiety. Its a lovely flat, don't get me wrong, but I am here at someone else's whim - renewal time is up shortly and I do not know if it will be renewed or at what price. A flat opposite just went up for rent at £200pcm more than here.
My UC supports my rent - and although I have been here for almost 3yrs, the Local Housing Allowance only just used the same figure as my rent in the UC calculation. My property is only a 2-bed, but because of the ages of my children I get a 3-bed rate. Its pure fluke the LHA matches my rent.
Don't get me wrong, the UC is crucial. It helps me get decent meals for my children as well as afford my rent. I can keep a little back for surprises for the girls too.
But I know, without my job, if I was just on UC as unemployed, I would be lost. I'd not be able to keep this flat, I'd not be able to keep a good life for my girls. They are teenagers now and would likely (and understandably) want to move back in with their mother who owns a good house and has a well paid job.
I came back on to UC around 3yrs ago - before the Cost of Living Crisis took effect. Losing the £86pcm Covid "uplift" at the time was tough but I switched things around and we managed. I even think back then if I lost my job I would have coped.
But things are just too expensive at the moment, and although I can save a little towards doing things with the girls, my debt is increasing now. But as they will be leaving the nest in a few years, I am taking the risk of more debt to create memories with them.
Without my paid employment none of this would be possible. My job is me.
I have done many unpaid work, volunteering over the last 30 years.
I was a classroom/ school trip helper.
I helped run the youth club as my children grew older.
I helped with the dance group, back stage at shows, wiping tears/ noses and bottoms of young children. I couldn't afford the coat of a ticket to watch the show my daughter was in. That developed into a fundraiser and I was successful at this, until a group of dance mums hijacked the PTA. Mums that were married and had no financial issues. They excluded me from meetings and information. They wanted me to carry on bringing in funding but without support from them. I refused and now I have been cancelled by them.
Now I'm lost. My purpose and way of keeping my daughter in dancing has been taken away. I'm hurting and struggling to find another roll I would find rewarding to me.
I haven’t filled out a diary entry since before Christmas, because between getting ready for my baby to be born (any day now!), Christmas and my PhD upgrade exam in December, life has just been so busy. A few years ago I never would have envisioned that this would be my life - trying to manage academia and being a single parent - but it really does make me focus on what’s important. At the moment that’s rest and spending quality time with my toddler before the new baby arrives. I’ve been really lucky because I got a hardship payment from my university just before Christmas as well as starting to receive discretionary housing payments from the council, and it’s made this time so much less stressful. I was able to buy the bits I needed for the baby, such as a car seat and new cot mattress, without having a totally joyless Christmas which is what I had feared would have to happen. My toddler loved every minute of Christmas and it’s a great age when they have no concept of how much things cost or what ‘second hand’ means. I’m feeling quite content and ready now - for my home birth; for baby to arrive and make me a mum of 2; for all the challenges this year will bring. I sometimes feel guilty that I essentially chose a life of poverty for my children, going on benefits rather than giving up my studies and working, so that I could spend their early years at home with them. I wish I could afford to take them to more baby classes and days out. But it’s such a pleasure seeing my toddler and my belly grow, and making a happy home for them and inventing adventures for next-to nothing. The way the work of mothers - especially single mothers - is devalued in our society is crazy. I have to be constantly creative, resilient and ensuring I build relationships to support me as a single mother because financially, emotionally and logistically it can be so hard. But seeing my babies develop makes it all worthwhile and makes me proud of the life I have chosen.