I am looking forward to some routine now that our children here in Scotland are back to school.
Not having to worry about my daughter being fed during the day and how I am going to keep her entertained now the summer holidays are over.
I feel selfish even thinking this way but life is just so hard.
On Wednesday my brother is getting married, unfortunately I am not able to go due the cost of traveling, smart clothes and other expenses. Last night as I sat thinking about this I found myself writing my thoughts. So below I share this writing which is something I rarely talk about. But please enjoy.
I sit here in near darkness,
In the comfortof my home,
But standing in the room, dressed in high victorian clothes,
Standing, chatting, drinking,
are people I don't know,
I try to be respectful,
In the corner where I sit,
with the ticking of my clocks disstracting me a bit,
Then I catch my thoughts a bit,
I'm really here alone,
My mind plays odd tricks on me,
It has done all my life,
That's why I sit here all alone,
No friends, no company, no wife.
Low income = financial insecurity
Cost of living = food insecurity
Interest rates rising = Home insecurity.
Increase in fuel costs= Further insecurity, cold winters, less travel in my car, less cooked meals .
All this creates serious anxiety for me when I begin to plan for my future.
We have the right to plan for our future, but when you are desperately trying to keep your head above the water on a daily basis its very hard to think ahead.
What's on my mind lately is the economic mess the country is in. Not only is it enough of an issue that we are going cold hungry and unwashed, but the knock-on effect of increased "everything else" is a huge worry for us.
In April when my current tenancy ends, we face the prospect of a rent increase based on the cost of living for all. I'm dreading this more than anything else. Faced with having to pay the rent increase or move I simply don't have the energy to deal with that. When your backs against the wall and there's no safety net for people like us, where am I meant to turn?