So the good news is, it's nearly my birthday. The bad news is I still haven't bought anything for my son's which was 2 weeks previous.

What with the apparent continuous bailing out of his brother, he felt he would do without for the time being. Hoping for driving lessons as many his age wish for. With the worry of male suicides in the back of my mind it's difficult not to help my son out where I can... He owes money out in fines & refuses to get professional help or even take accountability for it. It reached a point last weekend where by I had helped him out yet again, only to have him tell me he's no food to feed his son with & then needed a make a further payment to get his driving licence returned. Give an inch, take a mile!

I've since had to make it clear to him I'm not able to help with cash hand outs any more, to avoid any upset either side, because I was simultaneously asked if I could help my cash strapped eldest son out too. Which I did do, however, meant to be getting this chunk of money repaid.

Once upon a time, it was also the arrangement with my middle son that he repaid all the money he "borrowed" but I'm disappointed to think it won't see its way back to me if at all. Least not any time soon.

Meanwhile, the car seems to be having major problems again. It was only 2 months ago it had repairs on it too. Not sure how safe it is to continue using it. Won't know till it's looked at.

I feel immensely overwhelmed...

Ironic really, because only yesterday I attended a workshop to foster wellbeing & positivity. Positively up a certain creek without a paddle more like... Now "THAT" I can be certain of.

I can see me paying the water rates off with any birthday money I get at this rate. I shall light birthday candles on the bath taps... To mark the occasion.

I like to pamper myself with a lovely foot spa or give myself a facial beauty treatment using some of the kits I have at the house for them.

Also, I have a few body massagers which I also use, whenever I get time, they are great for relieving any built up tension.

Such treatments help a lot with my wellbeing and makes me feel refreshed and rejuvenated.

What is most important to me is my well being and mental health. If I am unwell and ill I cannot enjoy life or get up to strive for a better life. I take the time to meditate and use mindfulness to keep myself focused and grounded. Suffering from mental health for the last years has been traumatising and frightening. I had to take control .

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 4 years.

Lately I've been questioning myself on self care. I can't afford self care.

Gardening is my hobby and I am always finding ways to keep growing on very low budget. It is an extra challenge to grow crops as cheaply as possible. I save seeds, take cuttings, and share plants with friends and neighbours. We don't have a large garden but I have grown tomatoes, potatoes, strawberries, apples, pumpkins, beans, peas, corn, garlic, rhubarb, carrots, beetroot and herbs which have helped supplement our diet. I think that growing food is an important and valuable skill that is at risk of being lost to many people, especially in urban areas. It can help save a bit of money to grow some of your own veg even if you only have room for herbs on a windowsill and it gives me a sense of achievement.

Really looking forward the Big Ideas Meeting tonight! Also, it was great to read people's experiences published online. There were some really thought-provoking points raised. They say home is where the heart is? I'm doing all that I can to support our well-being in these horrid times. I'm grateful for all that I have managed to learn, save, and take part in to create change. I recently took advantage of social broadband tariffs so have cut my bill in half there. Why wasn't I aware of this scheme sooner?! I've also received a reply to a letter about the cost-of-living crisis from my MP asking me to call the office for help. Not so sure they can offer me the support I really need. It was also wonderful to receive 2 packs from the project this week which I want to say thank you for. They have made me feel loved, valued and appreciated. I'm determined to make a difference to my own life along with the lives of all who are suffering as a result of the costs charged by energy companies who are ultimately benefiting because of war.